When you try your best and you don't succeed. . .

Ugh, I even pinky promised myself. . .

I am in BIG trouble, all. I am literally a nocturnal person now and I should be kicked out of my home to go live with  the owls.

It is 3:57am. And I am wide awake as could be. I am not doing this to myself! I have been laying in bed since 11pm tossing and turning, counting sheep, listening to that "relaxation music", and doing all these sleep excercises that are supposed to make you knock out right away.

I am the Chuck Norris of not falling asleep. I could kick your ass at not sleeping, thats how awake I still am right now.

Anyways, I have a BIG BIG BIG day tomorrow and I need to be awake. I have two options.

option 1: Pull an all-dayer.  This means I will not allow myself to fall asleep around 5:30am when I FINALLY get tired. I will push through it and defeat this horrible monster.

option 2: stay awake until I get tired around 5:30am and take a nap for like 2 hours. Then be powered enough to make it through the day atleast half-baked so I can get back in a normal routine.

I would usually prefer the second option, but ever sense getting this little alien inside of me, sucking the life out of me.... not even my dad tipping over a huge metal ladder in our echo filled hallway and the stereo blasting outside of my bedroom can wake me up.

So it looks like option 1.

Lucky meeee.


So I guess I will go over my day with all of ya'll...Well, technically yesterday.

I woke up at 5pm ( I know, embarassing). And I got all depressed because the weather outside was so perfect and I wish I could have gone on my walk while it was still nice and sunny out. No such luck :(

But once again, Colin to the rescue! We went to the mall and he helped me pick out jewelry for my dress. He is actually quite the fashionista. He will kill me for saying this but it is totally true! If we have a girl, he will probably be better at dressing her than me. Boys are so easy to dress. I love finding Colin stuff on holidays for gifts.

Anyways, after that we went to Steak N' Shake. It was that or White Castle. (Colin's dad jokingly suggested it, but then all of a sudden I had this intense craving for something butter-filled and guaronteed to make me 50% more likely for high blood pressure in the next 40 years.)

I still cant belive Colin has never been to steak n shake. Well, that boy can eat. He is like a vaccum. He may surprise me with his eating skills, but I downed like 4 rootbeers in 5 minutes. Even the waitress was impressed. I love me some rootbeer because it has no caffeine and I can drink as much of it as I want and get a great sugar high out of it! woooooo!

OH. HERES THE BEST PART OF THE DAY. We were on our way home from the mall and colin said he had to stop by his house to try on a suit for the dance...

me: "Hey Colin, is your dad home today?"

colin: "Yeah, why?"

me: " Well, when you go inside can I go in too and talk to him?!"

colin:  "You know, you are going to be all alone with them."

me: "Yes?"

colin: "All alone. I will be upstairs. That could get awkward."

me: " ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME SCARED OF YOUR FAMILY?"

colin: "All alone." "...Alone...alone....alone. Just be ready for that."

me: "I hope you die in an endless hole. I am going in!"

colin: "Im just warning you. . ."


I swear he tries to scare the crap out of me. But my sugar high gave me a rush and I decided it was now or never. Plus, at this rate his dad probably thought I was a figment of Colins imagination. I hadn't exactly shown my face in a while...or uh, almost 2 months. It had to be done.
Needless to say Colin was just trying to chicken me out because he was being a butthead. I had a good old time talking to his parents and I am pretty sure his dog is in love with me. I really want a dog like Captain. He is HUGE. And he thinks he is a lap dog. And then there is Piper who is a soft coated terrier...I think?, I keep forgetting what she is, but I just call her the poodle. shhhh.

TODAY it is of EXTREME IMPORTANCE that I am up all day.

I have a hair cut I must attend to, which I think I am just going to do a walk in because I realized I accidently scheduled with the lady who butchered my hair a year back....PTSD.

Then around 1 I get to go watch Colin try on suits. He looks good in everything so I think it will be fun watching him find one he likes. HE IS AWESOME. I gave him free reign to pick out any color tie he wanted etc, and he made sure he matched me. awwwwwh. He is so too good for me, it is insanity. But whatever. I WIN!

PREGGO DRAMA.

So it is T-9 days until I let the cat out of the bag. I am going to tell just a few close friends and kind of just wait till it filters out. I love my friends, but someone is bound to say something and it will get out....or at least I hope that is how it happens. I dont want to deal with it. ha.

I am nervous to tell them, I mean I just dont know how they are going to handle it.

I also know they are going to have a lot of questions, but there is just not a lot I can tell them this early.

I am doing the best I can to figure everything out with Colin, but the truth is neither of us know for sure where we will be living, what the babys insurance is going to be, etc. We are certainly working on it all, but there is just a lot to factor in.


It is overwhelming. Thats why I made this blog; to mainly keep myself thinking positive.

I figure if I lose my friends which would be the worst case scenerio, then atleast I have my family and this blog to keep me company.

I just hope they understand why I waited so long to tell them---I wanted to keep things normal for as long as I could.

But to be honest, I bet most of them have a hunch already. I mean me being out of school for "medical reasons" and not being able to tell them what they are would probably make a pregnancy cross their minds. I almost hope they know somehow and just are waiting for me to spill the beans.


 Until D-day comes in 9 days, I am just going to stay in my happy little bubble where everything is ok. I really do have it good so far with everyone being so supportive and accepting. But when most of my street is people in my grade or the grade below me, I know there is going to be gossip and a lot being said.

Not to mention the crazy ex who likes to make a rumor up about me every week. Last week it was me being in rehab. the week before that was that I cheated on him, the week before that was that I used to hit him. REALLY? I know he is going to have a field day with this one.


Alright, that is all my stress release for one day.


Sorry this post is mostly just depressing and not all that happy. It's bound to happen every once in a while though.


" Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius" - Marilyn Monroe

I like this, I think it tells a person to embrace all of the things that make them unique and to not really care what other people think. And thats what I need to do right now.


The grass is greener on the other side, and it will be in my next post I PROMISE!


Aloha! (It also means goodbye...that probably gets confusing...)